i'm not entirely sure just where this week's gone. like most weeks, monday to wednesday seem to pass fairly slowly, but as soon as you pass the magical threshold that is wednesday, the week seems to be up already regardless of the fact that it's still midweek; anyone else get that, or is it just me that seems to get caught up in that odd little paradox on a weekly basis?! i've spent an unusual amount of time in the university studios this week, spending three days there until 9/10 in the evening, and i still don't really feel like i'm on top of my module work. if i'm being honest, i've felt a little disenchanted this term in terms of the module's briefs and the work required, and although things have picked up a little now i'm working on an alice in wonderland brief, i can't help but still feel bitter about the beginning of third year as a whole.
lately i've really been questioning what the hell my game plan actually is for when i leave uni. my disenchantment recently has had me feeling as though i don't want to pick my pencil up and draw simply because i have no inspiration or desire to, and it's making me question whether or not i'm cut out for throwing myself into an illustration job once i've graduated; if i can't motivate myself to get my university work done, what makes me think i could cope with work set within a professional setting? i keep telling myself i'm feeling this way because the projects just aren't right, but in the real world i could be waiting my whole damn life for the right project to come along, but in the mean time i'd still need to be making money, you know, because money's essential for living.
maybe it's not my course i'm disenchanted with, but perhaps just life in general. when i sit down to think about my fears, my concerns, my insecurities, 9 out of 10 of them can be traced back to financial issues of some kind. i feel that at the moment i'm not planning my future based on what i truly want to do with my life, but rather what i feel will benefit me most financially so i can live comfortably, but i'm not sure how much comfort helps in terms of achieving happiness. it's a tricky one.
in other news, i have a meeting about my dissertation draft on wednesday and i'm looking forward to receiving my feedback. i think my dissertation could be good, you know. here's to hoping.