sunday synopsis

well my good intentions of not neglecting my sunday synopsis posts went well out of the window last night after i got caught up in packaging up an etsy order, and then decided to pull my paints and pencils out for the first time in a few weeks. there's always next week, eh?

sunday synopsis

well, it's been three weeks since i last posted a sunday synopsis post, and here's what's changed...

sunday synopsis

wow, ok, hi. it's been a while since i've sat down and typed up a sunday synopsis post, and without giving a list of reasons, mainly it's because i just haven't been bothered to when the time's come around, and that's ok. the last time i wrote a sunday synopsis post was on the 9th of march, so it's fair to say a lot's gone on in that time, but i won't drone on mindlessly for no good reason. in that time i've been home for easter, it's been ziggy's 2nd birthday and i've worked like a dog to make sure my final term at uni would run smoothly, and now i'm a week into it i think i can definitely say that my efforts weren't in vain. 

sunday synopsis & saturday scribbles

sunday synopsis

finally, a sunday synopsis post that i'm on top of! i thought i'd get this out of the way (relatively) early in the day before my friends get back in and i no doubt don't touch my laptop for the remainder of the evening, so hi!

so, let's start with the obvious: i've dyed my hair. for a while now i've been debating going back brown simply because i was getting a little bored of the orange, and after spending my week lusting after jenna coleman (swoon) i finally bit the bullet and bought myself the dye (from superdrug so cruelty free, if you were wondering!) my friend josh helped me pick out a colour that was pretty close to my root colour so from here on i don't need to worry about topping up, and i think he did a pretty good job of it. now it's darker i'm also back into the territory of do i or don't i want to cut my fringe back in, and while i'm fed up of looking at my overbearing forehead, i also know i'll be fed up of my fringe come summer once it's hot and sticky and sticking to my face. sigh, fringe woes. 

also aesthetically speaking, i've now finally found a nasal arrangement (didn't know what else to call it!) that i'm happy with now i've finally found a ring for my septum. i went through a spell of buying absolutely useless septum jewellery because it was either too big or i couldn't actually fasten it because it's so fiddly, but i'm finally over it and shall be leaving it as it is until further notice, phew.

i've spent today exercising, running a couple of errands i had and listening to select t. swift songs while doodling away for my picture book, and as i mentioned yesterday, i'm really getting into it. it's so nice to finally feel connected and excited about my work again after the first term of third year which felt a little draining and uninspiring, so here's to a good few months before graduation. maybe it's just coincidence, but i find things in my life tend to go downhill as autumn/winter approaches and then level out once again when spring/summer arrive. i like to say that i'm like a flower in that i bloom in spring and wither and die in autumn, and i'm using this example as firm proof of that.

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sunday synopsis

after the chaos that was my christmas break, this last week before my assessment on tuesday has been surprisingly calm; i sacked off reattempting a project because it just wasn't going anywhere and then got good feedback on my work for my two major projects this term, and from there i was calm and collected (well, mostly) while i made the finishing touches to those before heading out to get my portfolio sheets printed on friday. heck, i was so ahead of myself i even managed to take myself shopping with a friend on saturday and treated myself to some well needed new boots (i'm not kidding either, the heel on my old ones was giving in) and another lush bath bomb that i intend to use tomorrow during an indulgent pre-assessment soak.

with what feels like a lifetime of spare time over the weekend, i've actually managed to pull together some blog photos that'll be used for future blog content, and i'm even hoping to fit a couple of outfit posts into the next week seeing as i'll have a couple of mornings free! happy days! i've accumulated a few new favourite pieces in the last 6 weeks or however long it's been since my last outfit post, and i'm excited to share how i've been wearing them lately, like back in the good old days before blogging became a bit of a chore on top of my university work, so that's nice. i'm hoping once my dissertation has been handed in in a couple of weeks i'll be able to resume blogging as normal, but as ever, we'll see how i do for time and inspiration; at least for now i have a few ideas jotted down. 

as for today, i've mainly chilled out and planned my presentation ready for tuesday. tomorrow i intend to get the presentation put together and my work ready for presenting first thing on tuesday morning, and if i manage that, i'm thinking i might take another trip back to lush...

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sunday synopsis

bitch, groan, moan, urrgh, i can't see today's post being a positive one. i've spent the day working on some things that after several hours of work still look like massive piles of shit. i sorted my uni work files out today, and although i feel like i've achieved sweet fuck all this term, it turns out i've tackled 7 briefs as well as my dissertation, which is a lot. because i've had so much to do and no more than a week on a lot of the briefs to create a finished illustration, i feel as though nothing i've made is worthy of any merit because it all feels so unresolved, naive and just bloody uninformed. i've been on my course for three years nearly and the shit i'm churning out looks like it's been vomited up by an overly confident first year who's yet to sit down and have a proper crit. sigh, i'm just at a loss now because i need to start creating good portfolio work if i want graduating to actually get me anywhere.

i'm not sure how much more i want to moan right now, i think it's probably best to wrap up here because extended negativity definitely can't be a good thing. i keep saying i need to pull my finger out, but i've been saying it so long now that i doubt i have the ability to. i'm worried i'm gonna have to totally reconsider my options when i graduate if things continue in a similar fashion up until may.

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sunday synopsis

some sundays i find myself staring at my sunday synopsis picture with absolutely no idea of what to write. today is one of those days, so we'll just see where my mind wanders to while typing out the rest of this post. 

i've pretty much spent the last week sifting through my mountain of university work, broken up by a midweek trip to meadowhall with my mum and a day out today with my dad. during my trip to meadowhall i made a visit to the apple store to finally get my lock button fixed because it's an eligible model, however after sitting around for twenty minutes i was turned away because for some reason their docks they use to test the phones before sending them off wasn't registering that my phone was connected. strange. i've visited a couple of apple stores now with problems my phone's been having and none of the 'geniuses' seem to have been able to diagnose my issues, which is pretty fucking useless. i'm currently debating whether my next mobile phone will be an apple one, and hoping that my macbook holds out until i need to replace it because lord knows i'd be lost without the bloody thing. all in all, apple really piss me off. i had to remind myself while in the shop that my issues with apple aren't due to faults of the employees, but rather the people sat at the top on their money bags. it's hard to walk away pretending to be thankful for their fucking useless service when you know the billions they dodge in tax each year would pay for all their customers a new phone when their old one had packed in, but what can you do? grit your teeth and walk off angrily, protesting to throw money their way no more it seems. 

apple rants aside, today i'm feeling hugely guilty about the work i've not done today and am thinking about a game plan for up until wednesday so i can look at giving myself christmas day off, but it's not looking likely seeing as i'm off out again with my dad tomorrow (it's hard to pass up time together when he's visiting the country as he lives in germany.) all this work worry has got me thinking that once i've graduated, a 9 - 5 job of some sort is what i need. i feel like the routine and the stability is what i'll need as a new graduate, because the freedom (or just lack of work) as a freelancer i feel wouldn't be good for me as an insecure, inexperienced graduate whose main priority is probably just gonna be paying the bills. for ages i thought freelance was definitely for me, but over the past year i've changed my attitude completely, and i'm wondering if my work experience at hallmark contributed to that at all. i feel like i want to work amongst other creative, intelligent folk who can inspire and motivate me, but also because i want to befriend a bunch of people in real life who're into the same things that i am. being on twitter/instagram/etc. and connecting with other creatives is nice, but i think what i need is people close by who i can interact with face to face about the things we love; i'm desperate to meet some likeminded people! it's funny, i never considered myself much of a social person, but now i feel that i thrive off of it, and it shows with how much more time i've spent in the university studios as a third year as opposed to first and second. funny how things change, eh? 

from cluelessness to capitalist rants to personal reflections; it does amaze me sometimes the turns my sunday synopses take. 

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saturday scribbles & sunday synopsis

i can't remember the last time my blog was as quiet as it has been this week as i've managed to post absolutely nothing since last sunday, but i feel absolutely no guilt. things have been hectic with uni this term and in all honesty, i haven't really had the desire or time to blog and i think it's definitely shown with the frequency/quality of my posts. i got a new camera for my birthday a few weeks ago, and although i've played around with it briefly, i haven't had the chance to explore all its features properly and take some decent photos, so i'm hoping throughout christmas i might find the chance to do so. 

that said, i still have an assload of work to do throughout my three week christmas holidays. this week has been up and down in that on monday my progress so far was shot down, so i then spent until thursday reworking my drafted spreads when i then received positive feedback and the thumbs up to go ahead turning my drafted illustrations into fully fledged ones, however with friday being our end of term party and saturday being a massive hangover day, i've still yet to start any work on it and intend to get the ball rolling properly tomorrow. if you were wondering, that's in regards to my alice in wonderland project. on top of this, i have my dissertation to revisit and tweak and i also want to completely redo my puffin book cover because i hate the outcome of it although i spent a good month drafting, creating and reworking it, sigh. so, as you can imagine, lots to do!

in other news, i've also slacked with my #illo_advent illustrations this week but i've managed to catch up again today. i spend a lot of time self conscious about my work because i'm not quite sure how consistent it is, but i think this little illustrated challenge is helping me to see that perhaps my work looks more like my own than i may think it does. because i've been drawing different creatures every day, i've been able to see that i tend to tackle characteristics and shapes in similar ways regardless of what it is that i'm drawing, so perhaps i'm starting to find a consistent, natural way of working without really noticing it. what do you think?

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sunday synopsis

i'm not entirely sure just where this week's gone. like most weeks, monday to wednesday seem to pass fairly slowly, but as soon as you pass the magical threshold that is wednesday, the week seems to be up already regardless of the fact that it's still midweek; anyone else get that, or is it just me that seems to get caught up in that odd little paradox on a weekly basis?! i've spent an unusual amount of time in the university studios this week, spending three days there until 9/10 in the evening, and i still don't really feel like i'm on top of my module work. if i'm being honest, i've felt a little disenchanted this term in terms of the module's briefs and the work required, and although things have picked up a little now i'm working on an alice in wonderland brief, i can't help but still feel bitter about the beginning of third year as a whole. 

lately i've really been questioning what the hell my game plan actually is for when i leave uni. my disenchantment recently has had me feeling as though i don't want to pick my pencil up and draw simply because i have no inspiration or desire to, and it's making me question whether or not i'm cut out for throwing myself into an illustration job once i've graduated; if i can't motivate myself to get my university work done, what makes me think i could cope with work set within a professional setting? i keep telling myself i'm feeling this way because the projects just aren't right, but in the real world i could be waiting my whole damn life for the right project to come along, but in the mean time i'd still need to be making money, you know, because money's essential for living. 

maybe it's not my course i'm disenchanted with, but perhaps just life in general. when i sit down to think about my fears, my concerns, my insecurities, 9 out of 10 of them can be traced back to financial issues of some kind. i feel that at the moment i'm not planning my future based on what i truly want to do with my life, but rather what i feel will benefit me most financially so i can live comfortably, but i'm not sure how much comfort helps in terms of achieving happiness. it's a tricky one.

in other news, i have a meeting about my dissertation draft on wednesday and i'm looking forward to receiving my feedback. i think my dissertation could be good, you know. here's to hoping.

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sunday synopsis

well i've successfully missed my last two sunday synopsis and saturday scribbles posts now, so i guess i kind of owe it to anybody who reads my blog to talk about why the hell i've been so absent from my blog over the last couple of weeks.

so, let's rewind a couple of weeks, to the week beginning on the 17th november. it honestly feels like that monday was yesterday, where i was frantically pulling together the last bits of my dissertation ready for my full draft submission on the 21st, so it's a bit of a slap around the face to realise that that was actually two weeks ago now. i've said it once, i'm sure i'll say it a million more times throughout the rest of my existence, but bloody hell doesn't time pass quickly when you've got shit to do?! i managed to finish off the last 2,000 words of my dissertation on the monday and tuesday, and was ready bright and early to submit my dissertation draft when the form went live on the 19th at 9am, simply because the sooner i got my dissertation submitted, the sooner i could head home for my birthday weekend with my family.

i made it home for around 3pm on the wednesday, and stayed until 5pm on the sunday. my time at home was nice, but didn't really come without any stress. wednesday evening and thursday were pretty chilled out, as i spent the wednesday evening with my mum and then went out with my mum, had my septum pierced and visited my nan on the thursday, but friday through to sunday all felt like such a big rush. on friday me and my mum were on a coach to manchester at 9am, and we didn't end up back in barnsley until 8pm because the coach had picked us up late and then got stuck in traffic. this wouldn't have been a problem, but i was headed to huddersfield that evening to celebrate my birthday with some friends, so after rushing home to shower and pack, then having car troubles on my way through to huddersfield, it was 9.30pm before i actually arrived there and my god was i ready for a drink by that point. the night was a success, and the next day at 4pm i was heading back home because i had a meal booked at 6pm in doncaster with my family, but my car decided to rear its head again and, to cut a long story short, i had to call the aa out and ended up leaving huddersfield at 5.30pm, meaning i wasn't going to make it home in time to then make it to doncaster by any stretch of the imagination. when i did eventually arrive home, we ended up just heading to meadowhall for a nando's (better than nothing, ey?) before going to see the new hunger games film at the cinema, as we had planned to after our meal in doncaster anyway, so not all was lost. it was that evening that i decided sunday was to be a write off: i was going to have a lie in, demolish my sunday dinner, and chill out with my family and ziggy before driving back up to middlesbrough. 

i told myself then that throughout the week before my actual birthday on the 28th, i'd get loads of work done and eat clean so i could afford the time lost and food eaten for all my birthday celebrations, however i failed epically at both of these tasks, going out twice in the week and generally lazing my way through meals, which mostly meant eating toast and bagels – oops! i'll level with you, i'm feeling a little plumper than normal and my workload has the ability to reduce me to tears daily, but hell, despite the small dramas, i've enjoyed the last couple of weeks. i think sometimes it's easy to isolate yourself from the world a little when you get preoccupied in your own mind and assume that there's no one around who really cares all that much, but the last couple of weeks have proved otherwise for me. i've never felt as close to my family before, and the effort my friends went to to make my 21st special for me really did make me so, so grateful for them, and made me feel a little silly to ever think that they didn't really care all that much. sometimes i just need to step out of my bubble for a while and have a proper look in from the outside, i think. 

so, that's me over the last couple of weeks, and i'm now officially 21. it doesn't feel any different really, not in the short term, but it is interesting to look at the drastic changes i've made to myself since turning 18 three years ago, and i'm thinking the changes are all for the better. happy birthday me!

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saturday scribbles & sunday synopsis

i'm making a habit of this late/missing posting of saturday scribbles and sunday synopsis posts lately, aren't i? with no good reason most of the time, as i pretty much spent the entirety of saturday hungover, chilling out watching films (jurassic park 3 happened and it was fabulous, by the way) and then spent the entirety of today writing my dissertation (i'm not proud that it took me almost 7 hours to write just under 900 words, but hey, it got written eventually) before again then chilling out to watch gogglebox when my friend got back from visiting home at around 10pm. 

workwise, things are starting to look up a little. i finished off my grand central illustration, and in the end i was pretty happy with it. i'm not sure it's something that'll fit what they're looking for, but i think it's true to my style and tone of voice and it's something i now think i'd be happy to display in my portfolio, which is the ultimate goal really, isn't it? i've also started working on my entry for the penguin design award children's book entry, which this year is to design the jacket for carrie's war. initially i wasn't overly impressed with the text, but after having a look at previous covers and really having a think about what the story covered, i've gotten into the task a bit more and have so far quite enjoyed playing around with themes and ideas, i'm just now hoping it continues positively and i adapt my style accordingly and naturally along the way!

i've also had a little bit less of a stress workwise as i worked out that i can use macmillan as my final project piece, which means more time to think about my story properly, and more time to actually get the illustrations done. i was originally going to simply produce four spreads and a rough dummy book as the brief asks as my current module is a fairly short, busy one, but with making it my final project i'll have more time to attempt to illustrate the entire book again, which would be hard work no doubt, but thoroughly enjoyable too, and i think it'd conclude my studies (and my portfolio) nicely. 

i'm also now just under 3,000 words into my 5,000 word dissertation and i'm pretty happy with how it's coming along after receiving such great feedback from my tutor. i've really sunk my teeth into my topic and each and every time i fall back into my research i fall in love with it all over again (lame, i know) because there's just so much to consider and so many wonderful words being shared by various illustrators and authors who have such enlightened, intelligent views about picture books. honestly, picture books are fantastic, and i'm thinking my dissertation could really become something i'll be proud of, which isn't something i'd have previously anticipated. 

so yeah, all in all a more positive week this week for me, let's just hope the pattern continues and my life doesn't slip down the drain in a couple of weeks time when i turn 21 (!!!!!!)

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sunday synopsis

it's five minutes to midnight and i'm laid in bed hungry but it's too late to eat. i've had another unsuccessful week work wise and it's starting to take its toll. as a third year i'm racking up an insane amount of work as i'm attempting to complete four different briefs within the same module alongside writing my dissertation, and while i'm struggling to create work i like, i'm falling further and further behind. the frustrating thing about illustration is that you have to put the time into creating an image before you can decide whether or not it works, and sometimes that time can be several hours of your day, which of course isn't helpful when you're having to organise and prioritise your time down to individual days. i'm not sure what to do at the moment other than to keep working, but it's hard when for the last three weeks i've been nothing but bitterly disappointed. i've never felt so in out of my depth before, and i'm honestly wishing i could just drop out, take some time, and come back to my work when i feel like i've pulled it together because my deadlines perhaps won't allow me the time i need to pull it together. i'm completing briefs, sure, but nothing's satisfying me, nothing's worthy of merit, praise, or a place in my portfolio and it's disheartening. i can't see the point in completing briefs if the end result isn't something to be proud of, particularly as a third year student who should be on top of themselves and building a portfolio that will see them through graduation and into the real world. i hate to admit it, but i'm struggling. work's been hard before, sure, but i've never felt like i can't physically complete tasks like i do now.

in other news, halloween was on friday and a couple of friends from home came to stay with me and my housemate for the evening. it was a pretty naff night out, what with the club we went to being over crowded and sweaty, but we made the most of each other's company and it turned out alright in the end, seeing us carving pumpkins together before we went out, and then retreating home just after midnight in favour of a pizza and a chat in our pyjamas. in an attempt to save money this year i scrapped the idea of dressing up as a sloth and instead dressed up as something i didn't have to buy an outfit for, and ended up dressing up as a doll by throwing on my black velvet dress, a collared shirt and a neck bow. i put a few quid into buying eyelashes and white foundation, but it hardly made a dint in my bank account. i felt like this year's attempt was a little sloppy compared to my goblin king offering last year, but for the hour and half we actually spent out of the house, it wouldn't have been worth pouring too much time and effort into a great costume. 

my sloth-o-lantern to the left, and emily's, alice's and jenny's pumpkins to the right in our pumpkin family picture

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sunday synopsis

well, this sunday evening i can share a positive and a negative with you. the positive is that, god damn it, i've actually managed to grow my fringe out and am more than satisfied with how it's looking! a strange positive you might think, but for the last two/three years i've attempted to grow it out, got so far and found to too awkward to deal with before giving in and cutting my fringe back in, so altogether it's a pretty good personal achievement of mine, hell yeah. 

the negative is that i'm feeling just as lost in regards to my self promotion work as i did last night. i've done a bit of doodling throughout the day and have resolved the issue somewhat with a bit of an idea about where i should attempt to push myself next, but i still just feel so horribly disconnected from it and fear that because self promotion is the brief that runs throughout the year at the back of other projects it'll just become neglected throughout the year and then rushed in the final couple of months and just end up being an altogether shitty module, which i really can't afford if i want to go for a first overall. i know, i know, grades aren't everything but i know i can achieve a first, so why the hell not try?

while i'm finding myself unenthused by a self promotion module, i'm really looking forward to getting my teeth sunk into the macmillan competition again this year. over the summer i conjured up some ideas for a picture book which tackles my thoughts and feelings in regards to my new york visit, and while i'm thinking visually i might struggle with producing the artwork for the book, i know i can have so much fun with my main character, storyline and the characters my protagonist will bump into along the way. this enthusiasm is encouraging for me because it reminds me that my mojo hasn't been lost altogether, it's just been a little dampened as of late.

huh, i don't really know. it's not just my work i'm feeling a little disconnected from, but life in general, really. i don't much feel like myself recently and don't really have the get up and go to do much, whether it's uni work, personal work, blogging or working out, and it's no good for me at all. it's weird, i tend to get like this towards the end of summer/beginning of autumn every year so maybe for the sake of my mental state it makes sense to flee somewhere with a pleasant temperature all year round if and when it becomes a possibility for me. it's bloody tough putting up with yourself at times, ain't it?

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belated saturday scribbles & sunday synopsis

i've been a bit awol on social media these last few days as i'd been out consuming my body weight in alcohol making the most of seeing friends before i left for uni, and since saturday i've been living in my new student house internetless until today so haven't really had the technology at hand to be blogging properly, but never fear because i'm back today to make up for lost time... kind of.

this last week i've further extended my a-z of doggies by creating a linework piece that has since been screenprinted and is going to be sold at our freshers fair tomorrow alongside the work of other students on my course in the hopes of kickstarting our fundraising for new blood next summer, and i'm pretty excited to see how they've come out! 

i've also been playing around with typography and more doggies while working entirely in watercolour in the same gutsy, paint straight to paper way that i originally produced my a-z of doggies in, and so far so good, i think. i've always loved the painterly textures that comes from traditional work and i'm enjoying the results i've achieved so far, so i'm thinking it's a technique i'll try and play a little bit more with throughout the coming months.

as for uni life so far, last night was the first day of freshers and i had a fantastic time out with all the people at uni who've made the last two years as special as they have been for me – here's to another couple of weeks of good nights out and lazy hangover days before the real work starts for third year!

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sunday synopsis

today has well and truly been a lazy sunday for me; i've only moved from the sofa to shower and to eat dinner and i can hand on heart say i do not feel an ounce of guilt for doing so (for once!) it's odd, simply ticking the doggy a - z off of my list of things to do has left me feeling unusually happy and relieved, like even though my summer has been largely lazy and unproductive, this one accomplishment means i can forgive myself for my lack of doing, and i am not complaining right now as i shovel peanut butter pretzels into my mouth while typing this... i'd say oops, but i'm honestly not sorry. yum.

this time next sunday i'll be back up in middlesbrough at what is called the 'welcome wagon' at my university, where all three years come together to either reunite or get to know each other, and i'll no doubt be stood amongst it all feeling old and unnerved about the fact that it will be my last two freshers weeks ever. as much as it freaks me out knowing that i'll be a real adult this time next year, it's also somewhat upsetting to know that i'll never, ever be back at uni living within a ten minute walk of all the people i've grown so close to during my years at university, and i'm really struggling to get my head around it all properly. i suppose all i can do for now is to enjoy the time i have left with everyone though, right?

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sunday synopsis

it's been something of a lazy sunday today to conclude something of a lazy week, as demonstrated perfectly by my minging, can't be arsed tied up hair. aside from visiting my uncle for sunday dinner and doing a bit of painting, i can't say i've accomplished very much, but better something than nothing. 

i feel a world away from last sunday's post, which i'm going to take as a positive. i feel as though the week's passed fairly quickly, and although i've done very little, for once i don't feel overly guilty about it which is so relieving, but i don't know if part of it is because i'm making mental compromises with my potential future and career prospects. for a while i've been telling myself that i'm just not cut out to make it as an illustrator, what with the industry already being filled with such genuinely talented, committed, phenomenal people, but i've realised that perhaps i'd be more suited to some kind of job within children's publishing, and hey, with my passion for it, maybe that could work out for me. i'm just really unsure. i know we can't plan everything out, but i don't want to graduate next summer and be left with nothing because i haven't thought about my options realistically, maybe it's just some kind of parachute i'm throwing out for myself. i suppose all i can do for now is work hard, think realistically and see what next year throws at me. 

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sunday synopsis

i sat down to start writing this up at around 7pm, but the words just weren't coming to me like i'd have liked them to so i thought i'd give it up as a bad job, and here i am now at 11.25pm fumbling around with my thoughts to try and get something written down that makes sense. 

it's been a while (a pretty bloody long while, actually) since i cried myself to sleep, but it happened earlier on in the week. i've mentioned previously that i've been feeling a bit bummed out, and it's just kept building up since and the other night i just kind of snapped a little. of course it always feels great to let it out, but while laid in bed wallowing in my own self pity, i had a thought that really opened my eyes. i was thinking about how horribly lonely i felt, but wondered how that was so when over the summer i've reconnected with old friends, made a handful of new ones, and generally i've just been pretty busy with plans seeing people that matter to me, and that's when it occurred to me: loneliness is internal, not external.

it seems so silly and obvious now i type it out for myself to read, but it felt like such a giant wave of realisation hitting me to finally understand that i feel so terribly lonely because, to be honest, i'm not really my own friend at the minute. i've let myself go, physically and mentally, and altogether it's just making for a total lack of self love, confidence, and in turn the drive to want to get back on my feet and work again on my relationship with myself. 

i feel like i've been falling down this hole for a while now, and i'm hoping that i've finally hit the bottom, because then at least if i am then at the bottom i can start to plan my way out. i'm feeling confident because i've done this before, around this time last year i went through a bout of self loathing, but with a bit of drive and determination to better myself, i got through it and things were fantastic for so long. 

i just felt like i needed somewhere to air all these thoughts, and my blog seemed like a pretty appropriate place. i often feel uncomfortable discussing my feelings with people face to face because i can't quite make sense of them myself, so to have a place to air them that doesn't demand a direct response or judgement of some sort really is comforting. 

i'm working on it. it might take me a while, but i'll get there.

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sunday synopsis

a very late post this evening, but it's because i've spent the evening giving my social media accounts a complete overhaul! i started with my blog, moved onto my twitter, have made a start on my portfolio and plan to finish that as well as my tumblr account tomorrow. i'm still a little unsure about how i feel about the new design, but i thought i'd stick with it for a while to see how i adjust to it – sometimes a fresh set of eyes can see a piece of work in a whole new light! regardless of how i may or may not feel tomorrow, i think a redesign was overdue for my online presence to try and create some kind of consistency between my various platforms so it can start to look a little bit more professional. for now my eyes hurt an awful lot, so i'm going to call it a night and give my eyes some well deserved rest! 

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sunday synopsis

I'm typing this from a boathouse at 12.15pm in Amsterdam, and despite the several spiders waiting in the boat to greet us upon our arrival back into it, it's pretty cosy, cute and a lovely place to spend a single night in Amsterdam if you're looking for something a little different to a hotel with potentially a bit more character, too. 

we arrived in Amsterdam in the late afternoon, biked into the centre in the downpour before scuttling around to find food, and then we had a relaxing (and dry) tour down the city's canals in yet another boat. the weather picked up today towards the evening and we caught a couple of beers and cocktails in a couple of local bars before heading back on the bikes at dusk, slightly intoxicated, and it turns out that a calm, dry cycling trip is thoroughly enjoyable - something I never thought I'd be saying! we'll be up early in the morning to enjoy another (hopefully dryer!) day in Amsterdam, which will also be our last day before heading back to my dad's home in Herford. for now, however, I need to get some well needed kip in!

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