Sunday 31 August 2014

sunday synopsis


i sat down to start writing this up at around 7pm, but the words just weren't coming to me like i'd have liked them to so i thought i'd give it up as a bad job, and here i am now at 11.25pm fumbling around with my thoughts to try and get something written down that makes sense. 

it's been a while (a pretty bloody long while, actually) since i cried myself to sleep, but it happened earlier on in the week. i've mentioned previously that i've been feeling a bit bummed out, and it's just kept building up since and the other night i just kind of snapped a little. of course it always feels great to let it out, but while laid in bed wallowing in my own self pity, i had a thought that really opened my eyes. i was thinking about how horribly lonely i felt, but wondered how that was so when over the summer i've reconnected with old friends, made a handful of new ones, and generally i've just been pretty busy with plans seeing people that matter to me, and that's when it occurred to me: loneliness is internal, not external.

it seems so silly and obvious now i type it out for myself to read, but it felt like such a giant wave of realisation hitting me to finally understand that i feel so terribly lonely because, to be honest, i'm not really my own friend at the minute. i've let myself go, physically and mentally, and altogether it's just making for a total lack of self love, confidence, and in turn the drive to want to get back on my feet and work again on my relationship with myself. 

i feel like i've been falling down this hole for a while now, and i'm hoping that i've finally hit the bottom, because then at least if i am then at the bottom i can start to plan my way out. i'm feeling confident because i've done this before, around this time last year i went through a bout of self loathing, but with a bit of drive and determination to better myself, i got through it and things were fantastic for so long. 

i just felt like i needed somewhere to air all these thoughts, and my blog seemed like a pretty appropriate place. i often feel uncomfortable discussing my feelings with people face to face because i can't quite make sense of them myself, so to have a place to air them that doesn't demand a direct response or judgement of some sort really is comforting. 

i'm working on it. it might take me a while, but i'll get there.

Saturday 30 August 2014

saturday scribbles


this week it was my uni housemate's birthday, so as she's an elephant enthusiast i decided to doodle her up and elephant birthday card, and she seemed to be pretty happy with the results which in turn pleased me because i spent a whole day drawing and redrawing, designing and redesigning it because i just couldn't get it to look right! in the end i was pretty happy with the colour scheme and the typography, but think there's definitely room to work on my elephants *adds to list of things to draw relentlessly*

as you may or may not have seen, earlier this week i also gave my blog, twitter, tumblr and portfolio a bit of a facelift in an attempt to bring all the platforms together in harmony, and after having it up for almost a week, i've decided that i don't actually hate the design, but just needed a while to get used to such a major change; again, the colour scheme is what i'm most pleased with, which is bizarre because colour schemes are normally something i just can't get right!

if you follow my instagram, you'll also notice that i've pulled my paints back out and have been doodling up some doggies, and this coming week i hope to further develop those so i can finally pull together the dogs a - z that i set out to do at the beginning of the summer! and speaking of doggies, i've got some clay magnet commissions to work my way through – yippee! don't forget i'm available to take commissions, so if there's anything you'd like, do feel free to drop me an email :) i've also had a couple more ideas for clay jewellery i'd like to have a go at making, so i'm hoping to get around to having a go at those ideas, too. 

Wednesday 27 August 2014

cruelty free haircare to rival aussie

 hask repairing shampoo & conditioner: £4.50 each, available in primark

since giving up aussie shampoo and conditioner last october after choosing to only buy cruelty free cosmetics, finding some decent shampoo and conditioner has been something of a challenge for me. i've tried more expensive offerings from the body shop and cheaper own brand options from morrisons, aldi and superdrug, but nothing seemed to nourish and cleanse my hair like the aussie products did, until i stumbled across these products in primark one time. 

i was drawn in by the argan oil label on the bottle, and upon picking it up and inspecting the bottle i was delighted to read that the products aren't tested on animals, so i quickly popped the conditioner into my basket to try out. after having used the conditioner for a couple of weeks and being impressed, i also picked up the shampoo to try the two products together.

first up, these products smell incredible. they have a very strong citrus scent that reminds me of lemon sherbet sweets, making for a very enjoyable hair washing experience. previous shampoos i've used haven't lathered very well, and altogether it just felt like i was scraping the product through my hair rather than massaging it in, but this shampoo lathers up nicely and glides through your hair and washes out quickly and easily, making for a wash more like the aussie one i used to know and love. as for the conditioner, it's light, easy to work through your hair and just as easy to wash out, meaning there'll be no more awful left over conditioner in my hair for me to deal with! 

when my hair's dried after using these products, it has considerably more body than it did while i was using the body shop products, and it doesn't get as greasy as quickly, which is a blessing in itself. i found that after using the body shop products my hair was quite limp and almost greasy, but these products seem to have combatted that pretty well. if i were to criticise anything about these products, it would probably be that they don't leave my hair feeling quite as soft as aussie products used to. now, i'm not a haircare expert, but i have a suspicious that it could be the no parabens or sulfates that mean that i don't get quite a shiny finish, because apparently shampoos and conditioners containing them thinly coat your hair with plastic?! again, i'm no expert so i don't know how true any of this is, so please do feel free to tell me if i've been completely misled, haha! as always, if you know of any fantastic cruelty free hair care products, do feel free to drop me some suggestions down below!

Tuesday 26 August 2014

jurassic pjs


as a general rule, i steer clear of graphic print and slogan tees – they're mostly tacky and just not me at all – but when i walked past this jurassic park tee it haunted me for the next couple of weeks until i just had to head back to a primark to pick it up. of course i'll never be seen outside of the house in the tee because, let's face it, the neon floral print is hideous, but as huge jurassic park fan i knew that i wanted this tee in my wardrobe. why? i really couldn't tell you, but i had a massive internal itch that meant i just had to buy it. i opted for a very oversized size 16 and throw this on over a pair of pink pyjama shorts that i own for a pair of super comfy, super jurassic park fan pyjamas that satisfy my desire to own and wear the tee without having to embarrass myself by wearing it in the outside world. 

on sunday evening i heard the news that richard attenborough, the creator of jurassic park (well, at least in the films) had sadly passed away, so i'll be wearing these pjs in his memory over the next couple of days to celebrate the ups and downs that were the jurassic park trilogy, and the man in the films who gave us the opportunity to get up close and personal with the dinosaurs in his (mostly problematic) theme park. 

there have been rumours now of a fourth jurassic park for as long as i can remember, but i think that it may be final that the fourth instalment, jurassic world, is finally going to be with us in 2015! it's fair to say that i'll be straight to the cinema to experience the dinosaurs on the big screen, excited to see what the fourth film has to bring us (more cunning velociraptors, i hope!)

Monday 25 August 2014

the cold shoulder



hat: h&m
chokers: lilac edge
dress: primark
faux leather gilet: primark
belt: asos
t-bar dr martens: ebay

i've dabbled in the cold shoulder dress a few times in the past, however it's never seemed to be a style i could get on with. when i laid eyes on this dress in primark, i knew i had to at least give it a go as it was up for grabs for a measly £8, and surprisingly it sat nicely on my shoulders rather than hanging too low and gaping like previous dresses had done. 

now i don't know if it's the intended length or because i'm a midget, but without a belt this dress sits just above the knee as more of a midi dress, so i decided to belt up and hitch the material up a little for a more flattering fit for my 5'2 self, and i think it looks pretty decent. teamed with my faux leather gilet (that i haven't taken off this summer) and t-bar docs, i think the tie dye and nude colours of the dress work really well with the block blacks of the gilet, shoes and hat. i think the dress itself is pretty versatile in that it could be worn more casually as i chose to this time, or dressed up a little more with some chunky heels and silver accessories. for £8, i think it was a decent little find!

sunday synopsis


a very late post this evening, but it's because i've spent the evening giving my social media accounts a complete overhaul! i started with my blog, moved onto my twitter, have made a start on my portfolio and plan to finish that as well as my tumblr account tomorrow. i'm still a little unsure about how i feel about the new design, but i thought i'd stick with it for a while to see how i adjust to it – sometimes a fresh set of eyes can see a piece of work in a whole new light! regardless of how i may or may not feel tomorrow, i think a redesign was overdue for my online presence to try and create some kind of consistency between my various platforms so it can start to look a little bit more professional. for now my eyes hurt an awful lot, so i'm going to call it a night and give my eyes some well deserved rest! 

Saturday 23 August 2014

saturday scribbles




so last week's saturday scribbles showed the beginnings of a commission i was working on, and this saturday i'm here to show you the finished designs! i was commissioned again by francesca from thefrancescadiaries to create a new blog header, button and youtube header for her, and although it's very different to my usual work, it was satisfying to come away from that for a little while and work on something a little bit more design based for a change, because, as we all know, i am a terrible designer. 

i had lots of fun drawing the different makeup bits and pieces, and am particularly happy with the patterns that i made using them – they just seemed to slot together so well! overall i'm pretty happy with the work i produced for her, but if i had to choose a favourite i think it'd be the youtube banner because i think the colour scheme works well and the composition ended up working pretty well in the end despite the awkward youtube header dimensions! 

if you'd like to see the designs up and running, you can visit francesca's blog and her youtube

Friday 22 August 2014

moving into your student house: tips & advice


if you're a regular reader of my blog, you might remember a sunday synopsis post at the beginning of the month where i spoke about how my second year landlord was wanting to deduct £120 of my £200 bond, and within it i said that i'd eventually write up a post regarding the situation and its outcome, and here i am, almost a month after i first received that gut-wrenching email, letting you know that all ended well and i'm here to share a few words in regards to how you as a student could either avoid this situation altogether, or work towards rectifying it if you should find yourself in a similar situation to mine. 

so, to summarise, me and my housemate spent 6 hours cleaning our house thoroughly to then incur charges for a full kitchen and bathroom clean, replacement of the microwave which was already rusted upon our arrival, and, for me, the cherry on the top was a charge for a new mattress for a stain that i was never aware of throughout my tenancy because it was on the reverse side of the mattress, and of course i never had a reason to flip the mattress over to discover it. all of this meant that the landlord was wanting to deduct more than 50% of my bond, which was blatantly unfair as the only thing me and my friend did not do was defrost the freezer or pull all of the furniture out within the house to clean behind it, and because we were being charged for issues that existed previous to our tenancy. 

yesterday, after almost a month of fighting my corner and refusing to back down, i received an email to let me know that the landlord was willing to waver all the unfair fees, leaving me with only a £30 charge. of course that charge still seemed a bit steep considering what we didn't do, but it was a damn sight better than £120 and a clear success on mine and my housemates' behalf for sticking to our guns and knowing our rights, so below i've compiled some of my top tips for dealing with greedy landlords:

  1. upon arrival, document issues with someone from the companywhen you move into your house, there's a chance that you may move in with somebody from the letting agency present to take notes of issues, so do make the most of that. as a naive first time student tenant, i didn't make the most of this and, of course, i regret it badly. check everything together: your mattress, inside of drawers and wardrobes, carpets, state of the walls, and anything else you can think of, and then ensure that the person takes notes of it so there is physical evidence that these issues existed upon your arrival.

  2. photograph everything
    once you know physical notes have been taken, make sure you photograph all of the issues that exist with time and date stamps on them (just in case anything was to then happen to those notes), and if you want to cover your back all the more so, just photograph everything that you think a landlord could try and charge you for unfairly. if you're like i was you'll probably think "oh well of course they won't try to charge me unfairly," but i learnt the hard way that, actually, your landlord might not be a decent, fair human being who won't try to unjustly take your money to more than likely pay for their summer holiday.

  3. document issues physically
    there were a couple of occasions where we either phoned up, went into the office or spoke to a company member while at our house about issues that needed to be resolved, yet when these issues were brought up regarding our bond, they were dismissed because there was no physical evidence that the issues had been reported. my advice for this would be to make your landlord/letting agency aware of any issues by email, because that way not only does the evidence exist physically, but it exists within your email account as well as theirs, thus giving you quick, direct access to the information if you should need it.

  4. know your rights
    my advice here reflects my own situation, however i'm hoping that it could be broad enough to cover a variety of situations. basically, my bond was being held by a deposit scheme, the DPS to be exact, so when issues arose regarding the return of my bond, my first thought was to head straight to the website to read up about how to deal with difficult landlords. very quickly i found this document that basically informed me that the company and landlord were unfairly charging me for a variety of a reasons, so i then had a lot of ammunition to take into argument when discussing why the charges were unfair and i was under no obligation to pay them. if your money is being held in a deposit scheme, i'd recommend that you check out the company's website, and if not, i think the information in the DPS document would still apply to you to use as a representation of your rights as a tenant anyway: the bottom line is that the money is yours, and your landlord does not have the right to take it from you unfairly.

  5. stand your ground
    after many angry phone calls and emails detailing my rights as a tenant, the letting agency finally agreed to get in touch with the landlord to negotiate a lower bond fee. after a week of awaiting the landlord's response, the letting agency got in touch to tell us that he wasn't willing to lower it. within the DPS document it states that tenants have the right to discuss issues directly with their landlord, so from this i then asked for his details to contact him personally, to which the letting agency told me they couldn't give me his details, but said they'd ask him to again compromise. three hours after receiving this email, i then received another to let me know that he'd compromised and lowered our bond fee to £30 – success! it really goes to show that putting up a fight and sticking to your guns when you know your rights pays off; knowledge is power.


it honestly winds me up to know that letting agencies can get away with such disgusting fees because the majority of students will simply roll over and take them, for whatever reasons. as a student, i really couldn't afford to lose that money, and it baffles me to think that others would willing lose it unfairly simply because they may feel dismissed, uninformed, or down right bullied, as i feel the letting agency was trying to do to us at points within the process. it's unacceptable that a company can deal with things so dishonestly and unprofessionally when they themselves should understand that the financial situation of most students isn't fantastic.

so, there we have it, a fight i ended up winning. i do hope that if you're moving into student housing yourself that this has helped you out or at least opened your eyes a little bit to the possibility of a difficult landlord, because i know now that i'd have loved to have read something like this before naively moving into my house happily last september. if you have any other questions regarding this issue, do feel free to comment below or email and i'll get back to you with any help that i can offer!

Wednesday 20 August 2014

b. | exfoliating cleanser


when i first squeezed this product out of the tube, i must admit i wasn't particularly looking forward to using it; it has something of a smooth, milky consistency with tiny exfoliating beads through it, so after having used my somewhat harsh lush dark angels cleanser for such a long time, i wasn't expecting this cleanser to do all that much for my skin, but boy, was i wrong.

i've been using this cleanser now for around two months, and while it's quite a dramatic change from dark angels, my skin certainly hasn't suffered because of it and behaves pretty much the same as it did before its entrance into my skincare routine, however i think i just might prefer this cleansing option. while dark angels was fairly abrasive and smelt fantastic, it did leave something of a mess in the sink and i'm not a huge fan of the lush tub packaging; it's just a bit of a faff, isn't it? this b cleanser on the other hand is easy to squeeze out and shove back onto your shelf and doesn't leave your sink looking grim, but it doesn't have the aniseed scent that i love so dearly about dark angels. instead, it smells somewhat clinical like a lot of high street moisturisers do, if you have any idea what i mean.

while i thought that the less abrasive texture of this cleanser would put me off it, i've actually quite been enjoying a less abrasive cleanse, especially when it offers the exact same benefits that dark angels did. with this product having a mostly milky consistency with a very gentle exfoliating quality, it means that i can really go to town with scrubbing deep into my pores without doing more harm than good, which is fantastic for me because i love to rub all around my face, particularly my chin, in small circular motions to really try and draw those nasty blackheads out. when washed off, my face then feels really smooth, fresh and plump without feeling tight and dehydrated.

if i were to stand this product off against dark angels, i think this would probably win. it's better value for money (and even more so when there's a 50% off offer on!) and i'm expecting it to last much longer than dark angels (those pesky short use by dates!) so for a product that does just as good a job as dark angels for a more budget friendly price, i think there's one clear winner. the next time i pop into superdrug and catch these at half price, i'll definitely be stocking up!

Tuesday 19 August 2014

being creative | blog hop

a snippet from my desk

last week i was tagged by lauren over at ohhay! to take place in a blog hop that featured some questions appropriate for creative folk, so i thought it'd be nice to take part and give myself the chance to properly reflect on the way i think and work as an illustrator as i approach my final gear of my degree (gulp!)

what am I working on?
in general, just myself; the way i work, think and organise my time when i don't have terrible deadlines breathing down my neck in particular. this summer i've kind of come to a creative halt and i don't even have a good explanation as to why. part of me thinks it's because of the hectic nine months that was second year left me feeling as though i needed a solid break, but then when i attempted some kind of break i felt guilty, so altogether it meant i was half heartedly churning out some pretty crappy work and then getting frustrated when i wasn't pleased with it, and then all the more frustrated when i just couldn't seem to allow myself the break i was desperate for! it's been a weird three months so far, and i'm really hoping to get myself into a more focussed, positive mindset for when i start back on my course this october. i'm at a point where i'm beginning to freak out about the future because i'm nowhere where i need or want to be, and i know my time's running out before i graduate and should ideally be where i want to be. speaking realistically, i know as a creative we're never fully happy because we're just terribly awkward in that way, but i don't feel that come graduation i'll be where i need to be in order to jump straight in with a creative job, but rather will need to take some time out to further refine my process, technique and style to ensure that my work's of a high enough standard, both for industry and myself. i feel that it's gonna be tricky, mentally, physically and financially, but, as is said in toy story 2, "you can't rush art," and i'm slowly learning to accept that fact. people spend years refining their illustrative styles, so i shouldn't beat myself up over the fact that i still need a bit longer to refine mine. 

rambles aside, what am i working on currently? i've just finished up a commission for a blog header, button and youtube banner for a lovely blogger, so when her new design is up and running i'll be sure to feature that somewhere on my blog. as you've seen, i've been pretty into playing with clay lately, and i intend to keep playing, making more dog breeds, and hopefully even branching out into cat breeds, too! lastly, i have a children's picture book story idea sat in my head (and my sketchbook) that i'm saving to use as a third year project because i'm just so terribly excited about it and feel it could become a really successful project for me if it progresses in a fashion similar to how it already has. i also have a list of some mini projects to try and get through before i start uni again because i feel my portfolio needs sprucing up a little, so with a bit of kick hopefully i'll complete some of those, too!

how does my work differ from others of its genre?
in all honesty, i'm not sure that it does, but it's something i'm extremely conscious of. in previous university projects i've worked in 'safe' styles that i felt were reflective of industry, because, of course, they looked similar to what already existed, and i've noticed that there's a lot of illustration around that looks incredibly similar. of course this doesn't diminish the talent of these illustrators, but i think for illustration as an artform it's not really helping to push boundaries or help it to expand, which is generally what makes way for exciting new ideas and work. in my last module of second year where i wrote and illustrated a picture book, i came slightly outside of my comfort zone and attempted working in an organic manner that felt natural and somewhat unique to me, and overall i'm pretty happy with the outcome of it; it's not perfect, but for me it's a step in the right direction. if i were to try and verbalise what i'm attempting to work towards with my work, i think i'd describe it as the love child of gemma correll and lorna scobie's work. i love the character, humour and expression present within gemma's work, and i love the gutsy, childlike, brave mark-making in lorna's work, and i feel that i want to express character and humour as loosely and naturally as possible within my own pieces, and so take inspiration from their work on a daily basis by keeping up to date with their twitter and instagram accounts. of course it becomes kind of tricky when you say you 'take inspiration' from other illustrators because then arises the question of copying, but i think i could safely say that my work doesn't mimic either of their styles, however upon inspection you could probably derive that they were sources of inspiration for me. 

how does my writing/creating process work?
as much as i struggle creatively from time to time, there truly is no better feeling than when the ball starts rolling for a new project. for me, writing and illustrating happen simultaneously; i usually begin with a small idea that i'll jot down, begin sketching it, the sketch will then present new ideas that i take notes of, and so on and so forth until the images and words exist as two separate entities. for me this is the probably most natural and efficient way of working, because often images can inspire words that possibly wouldn't have made sense to just exist verbally. when writing a story, i've learnt that it's what the words and images can say within themselves as well as supporting one another, so i've really learnt to have fun with narratives and the sub-narratives that exist within them and the tiny idiosyncrasies that exist within sketches that help to build up a character to make it as exciting and unique as possible as a storyteller. in terms of my illustration process alone, however, it normally goes in such a fashion:

sketch idea > love idea > develop idea with colour > internal self doubt crisis > scrap piece and mourn its beginnings in my sketchbook

i still struggle quite a lot with my illustration process and i think i give up a lot more than i should allow myself to, but as i addressed in the first question, it's something i'm working on, and in time, i'll get there. 

why do I write/create?
drawing has always been something that i've just done, and it never went away. i was somewhat misguided up until i turned 19 about my creative direction (the fact i chose to study graphic design at university says it all!) but luckily once i realised what made me tick it all turned around quite rapidly. for me, drawing's always been one kind of outlet for any particular ideas i've had, but i also find that it provides me with enjoyment and can help me to relax and unwind when i need to just clear my mind of things. as for writing, it's something that i've only really developed a particular interest in since getting into picture books as they helped me to open my mind to the content within them and the topics they tend to cover, and it highlighted to me that i can express thoughts and ideas in a concise, passive manner that has purpose, rather than getting into long, heated rants on an online blogging platform as i had done in the past. oops! i guess finding my interest in picture books was something of a natural progression for me, and it also means that now my ideas and my drawings can come together in a format that suits both them and me. 

i'd like to thank lauren for tagging me to take part in this, and finish up by saying that i tag whoever is reading this that would like to complete it; i think the term 'creative' is so broad, and i think it'd be interesting to see who may go on to share this based on their creative interests! so please, if you decide to complete this yourself, do feel free to leave a link to your post below in the comments so i can check it out myself :)

Monday 18 August 2014

faultiere sind mein lieblingstier


last thursday i headed back to dortmund zoo with my dad and his girlfriend with the intention of visiting the sloths at feeding time, and it didn't disappoint. when we arrived, julius the sloth was already running rings around the enclosure's hanging branches, and the place soon flooded with eager children ready to listen and learn about the wonderful sloth! apart from a couple of numbers and the fact that sloths have very long hair, i didn't really catch much of what the zookeeper was telling us all about, but after a brief chat with my dad's girlfriend afterwards it turned out he'd educated them about what i already know – not bad eh? i could totally be a sloth keeper...


the sloths share the enclosure with some of their closest relatives; the anteater, armadillo and tamandua; and i was lucky enough to witness the utterly adorable situation that is a sleeping anteater wrapped up in its own tail. have you honestly ever seen anything as adorable before? because i know i certainly hadn't! my gosh, it made me smile.


of course a baby rhino required photographing - capybara are damn cute - sloths have a bad reputation for being lazy and boring but big cats are never any more active at zoos!


a walk through bird cage meant i got up close and personal with some owls - we caught the orangutans at feeding time! - this iguana was completely chilled out - there were peacocks roaming openly around us in the zoo!


the emperor tamarin monkeys were so cheeky and adorable coming right up to the cage! - the red pandas were distant, but forgiven because look at them


i thought i'd finish up with a photo of julius who was pooped after a very exciting feeding time! after finishing up his grub he zonked out in the very spot where he'd just stuffed his face – what. a. cutie!! i've thoroughly enjoyed both of my trips to dortmund zoo because there's such a calm, relaxed atmosphere throughout the zoo, and you're really given the chance to get fairly close to a lot of the animals, at least in comparison to british zoos, anyway. of course julius the sloth helps to contribute greatly to my experience of the zoo, but we all know i'm a huge fan of trips to the zoo anyway because i love getting the chance to observe animals and the ways they think, act and move because it's so, so fascinating – i always come away from zoos feeling uplifted and inspired, which can only be a good thing!